Day 10: really craving some dove chocolate

Day 10
Well work was one of those days that I would immediately come home and savor some delicious dove chocolates, but instead I cant. Its probably for the better. Actually I know it is, because I know I have already lost 5 lbs. But little things like that are what really makes these 2 weeks long. 4 more days and I can add blueberries. Ive never been so excited for blueberries! But overall I would say its smooth sailing now. Besides the fact that it just gets boring because you cant add much flavoring.
I did make a version of chicken alfredo, with spaghetti squash. The alfredo was all from spices and olive oil, somehow, but it was delicious. As much as I want/can cheat on this diet, I want to be able to say I did it. Its actually a nice change. But glad I get paid tomorrow, because damn all this meat is putting a hole in my wallet! As I drool over dove chocolate, Im going to go make my sugar craving buster: heavy whipping cream + xylitol....yummmm

Day 4

So obviously haven't even started at day 1, but it is now day 4 of diet boot camp, almost day 5. So for a recap, started on the 15th. "Diet" entails only meat, nuts, and veggies. The reasoning behind this is to get away from all the bad sugar and carbs, but gets rid of any allergens, which are most common in dairy, wheat, and soy. Black coffee, green tea, and water are acceptable, along with olive oil.

The biggest thing with this is the cost of buying the meat, and preparation time. It takes a lot more patience, but worth it in the end. After 14 days, I can add in blueberries, and on the 19th day I have my first cheat meal plus wine! Already looking forward to that. I haven't really branched out yet in terms of different food, mostly just make ground beef, chicken, or tuna. Its hard because you cant add most condiments, just seasoning. Most recipes call for many ingredients. If you have any recipe ideas with few ingredients, send them my way!

Now I have tried this before, but never been very committed to it and stop around the 5-7 day mark. This time my goal is a month. Its not so easy when the boy can eat whatever he wants, and doesnt understand that I can only have meat and veggies haha. The first couple of days are the hardest but I already feel much better as far as energy and digestion.

Most common dinner so far: chicken stir-fry
Most missed food: eggs!

back from the dead

Its obviously been forever since Ive blogged, but I plan to get back into it. As Im expanding my fitness horizons, starting next week Im starting a diet boot camp. Similar to a cleanse, but with food! Basically only meat, veggies, and nuts. This will eliminate any food sensitivities. Its not easy, so thats why I must blog throughout. See you then!

today

I hope today is better than yesterday and not as good as tomorrow.

Quicky note

Currently watching brown sugar. One of my all time favorites, even though it is corny. I love Taye diggs :)




Anyways, it has been a LOONNGG time since I have blogged. I am sure that I have had lots to blog about but mostly just havent had time to update my life.



Ever since I graduated (woohoo!) it has been non-stop work, no joke! Which I am very thankful that I was able to find a job, especially with lots of hours, except I am usually working at 5 or 6 am, meaning waking up at 3 or 4 yikes! AKA I go to bed at about 9pm lol. Anyways I recently got personal trainer certified and starting august I will be transferring over to training! So spread the word-I need clients :)

The real world is...interesting to say the least. I really really miss college-life. Mostly my corvallis friends I think though. I am excited to be starting a new "life". I have been so bogged down with softball for my entire life that it is amazing and refreshing to be without it-at least for awhile. As far as grad school goes....Im still deciding on that. Im not sure if thats what I really want to do, as its lots of money and more schooling. But I'll probably apply anyways.


This is just a quick update-hoping to be better at updating more!

Fallin Down

"Sometimes I don't wanna wake up alone

But sometimes I wanna wake up and be on my own

Sometimes I don't wanna walk by your smile

But at the same time I don't wanna let people down"

Chris Brown "Fallin Down"

Last saturday night of the winter break

So this last Saturday of winter break was different than most weekend nights: I decided instead to visit Bob, an 86 year old friend of mine. Bob is a huge supporter of OSU athletics, and he became a friend of my mom's during an earlier season. Now, I just love elderly people. I think they are just precious. And Bob lives by himself in a big house, and I can imagine that he gets a little lonely. I think the last time I visited with him was during the summer, with the exception of him supporting us at our fall ball games, so I knew I was overdue for a visit. I called him up around 7:30 pm and told him I would be over soon if he wasn't busy. He's always a joy to see, he greets me with a hug and strong aftershave that always rubs off onto me. He pulls out 3 dishes of snacks and I get the drinks as we head to the dining room to chat.

Conversations with Bob are always eventful but today was probably my favorite as we got on the widely discussed topic of Tiger Woods and therefore adultery and sleeping around. Basically an everyday conversation with an 86 year old dont ya think? He's a big golf fan so he mentioned that he's a fan of his. So we continued to talk about all the high profile celebrities, athletes, politicians, etc that have been not so loyal. Things like this tend to get blown out of proportion because they are in the spotlight. Cheating happens all the time, more than it needs to in my opinion, but of course its going to happen. But is it really THAT much worse for those high-profile professionals to do so? They are looked as inhumanely, or god-like because they have pros. When reality is its not the biggest sin out there. Don't get me wrong, cheating is not okay in any relationship, but does it really need to be on every magazine possible? We all know that most athletes, especially males (I am, in no way being sexist or generalizing) think that they can walk on water and have sex with all these different people because they are a star. Their news shouldn't be magnified more because they job is in the spotlight. In retrospect however they need to be more aware of their shining and their role as a "role model" to younger kids, but in today's society sincere role models are few and far between anyway.

The point of this ramble is that a "goal" of mine is to visit Bob at least once a month. He really enjoys it and it is good to just sit and talk to him. As we begin traveling, I will try to go every Monday and update him on the weekend's games. He is a true supporter and a good friend to have around.

new year, new beginnings

Besides when I was little and the highlight of the night was banging pots and pans at the strike of midnight, I've never been a big fan of new years eve. But as I look back on 2009, I don't have much to complain about. 2009 treated me pretty well. I can only hope that 2010 will be better. I usually make a list of the resolutions that I never seem to keep past a month, so this year I didn't make any. Instead I am making a promise to myself that I will enjoy my last 6 months of undergrad school. I have been very fortunate and lucky to be where I am, with such great family and friends supporting me.

With my grandpa's death in November, we were all caught off guard. He was diagnosed with cancer about 2 months earlier, and said he had 6-12 months to live. He went downhill fast and passed away sooner than anyone expected. It wasn't necessarily the death that ate me up inside, but the guilt that I was not there more for both him and my grandma. It wasn't like we had a bad relationship, but it just wasn't very strong. After he passed away, I felt like had talked to him and been with him more, things would have been differently. But I mention this only to show that things can be lost in the matter of days. I want to live each day as its my last.

I already know that for a few things this year, it will be my last. To name a few are my last year of undergraduate school (before I continue with PT school) and playing my last ever game of softball. Its weird to think, that after all these years of both school and softball, which for me have gone hand and hand for so long, will both be ending. So I think how do I want to be remembered as a student or a player, because I don't have much time before I move on with my next journey. I've always been more conservative, having to plan my actions accordingly, which can be a good or bad thing. But for now, I want to work on being more sporadic and jump in without analyzing or thinking twice.

Anyways, I wouldn't necessarily change anything that I've done in the past year, because you gotta go through it to learn. You live and you learn. And those things make me who I am. Ya I didn't make the best choices on some things, but Im still learning and I think I've become a better person because of these trials. But I love where I am in life. And I love my family and friends, who I'm realizing will always be there for me, even through the dumb choices that I have gone through.

As we enter 2010, my so-called "theme" song that I want to live by is Kris Allen's Live Like Were Dying. Its about appreciating what we all have, and not to take it for granted because it can be gone at any moment. I want to be grateful for the love around me and the life that I have.

"We only got 86400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away". So make what you can out of each day.

This is to a more optimistic, grateful and spontaneous me. Cheers <3

let it be soon

my eyes fill with tears as we drive
knowing that our destination will bring goodbye
my heart aches waiting to see you again
my strong exterior cannot hold back the tears inside
they stream down as time goes by
without you life just inst the same
and to sit and wait to see your face makes me break
it feels like another year will pass before our time comes
soon please let it be soon

Alone

As I walk alone down the street
I take a look to my right
then to my left.
I realize no one is around
I am deserted.
Alone in my sorry world
No reason for these feelings.
Life cant continue at this rate
The world doesnt stop spinning.
I am deserted.
But I cant get off this roller coaster
If I get off now, there is no returning.
My heart is a black hole.
There is no love existing.
I am not longer a soldier
My strength weakens
As I am deserted.

Listen

I write these words
They dont make sense
My feelings contradict
I write these for you
My heart spills across these pages
So much to say, not enough lines
If only your ears were open
I act so strong, but really Im weak
The phone lines are crossed
The pages are full
Open your ears and listen
This is about me this time
Just listen
For once

false attraction

You called my name at a time of need.
You wanted me by your side so I came.
I would do anything for you.
I felt secure and wanted,
When you didnt remember a thing,
The alcohol got to your brain
And I was just another girl,
Falling for your drunken words

two magnets

strongest when closer together

we fall apart when the distance grows

the attraction fades

there is no cure for distance

you are either made for it or not

apparently our link wasnt strong enough

two magnets

two souls

a lost love

the attraction failed

How long til you notice?

The morning light glistens across your face
As i spot you and my heart skips a beat
From day one, you captured my heart
Played games, twisted my finger, only to tease to please
The feeling is real, yet hidden
Waiting for you to seek
Like the flip of a coin,
I change my mind to speak
I enjoy the little moments that mean everything
Yet are so simple
I close my eyes and feel the warmth of the sun
Like your body against mine
Peace as the ocean travels from your hand to mine
So light, the wind could blow me away
Take me away into your arms

Life

Life is a roller coaster
Life is beauty, different in each one of us
Life is a struggle, but you arent alone
Life is tears and laughs
Life is an art, painted to perfection
Life is happiness
Life is a roller coaster, it will always go back up

screaming out to you

Im gonna be honest this time
Theres an attraction between us
Do you feel it too?
Its not new, its just stronger each day

Your blue eyes sparkle
And my heart beats faster
Your gentle touch
Sends chills down my spine

Make me feel beautiful
Make me feel needed
Like I need you
Across the ocean Id swim
If it would get your heart's attention

Make me forget my name
Make me long for you each night
Longing for more and more of your touch
The thought keeps me holding on til that day comes

your eyes

Your eyes

I see right through them

I confess

I cant help but stare

You make me speak

My lips part like the Red Sea

I open my mouth and only mutters appear

Your eyes

Glisten like the sea

Is it right?

Is it real?

Before I open my soul

And break my heart

Your eyes

Tell me the truth