new year, new beginnings

Besides when I was little and the highlight of the night was banging pots and pans at the strike of midnight, I've never been a big fan of new years eve. But as I look back on 2009, I don't have much to complain about. 2009 treated me pretty well. I can only hope that 2010 will be better. I usually make a list of the resolutions that I never seem to keep past a month, so this year I didn't make any. Instead I am making a promise to myself that I will enjoy my last 6 months of undergrad school. I have been very fortunate and lucky to be where I am, with such great family and friends supporting me.

With my grandpa's death in November, we were all caught off guard. He was diagnosed with cancer about 2 months earlier, and said he had 6-12 months to live. He went downhill fast and passed away sooner than anyone expected. It wasn't necessarily the death that ate me up inside, but the guilt that I was not there more for both him and my grandma. It wasn't like we had a bad relationship, but it just wasn't very strong. After he passed away, I felt like had talked to him and been with him more, things would have been differently. But I mention this only to show that things can be lost in the matter of days. I want to live each day as its my last.

I already know that for a few things this year, it will be my last. To name a few are my last year of undergraduate school (before I continue with PT school) and playing my last ever game of softball. Its weird to think, that after all these years of both school and softball, which for me have gone hand and hand for so long, will both be ending. So I think how do I want to be remembered as a student or a player, because I don't have much time before I move on with my next journey. I've always been more conservative, having to plan my actions accordingly, which can be a good or bad thing. But for now, I want to work on being more sporadic and jump in without analyzing or thinking twice.

Anyways, I wouldn't necessarily change anything that I've done in the past year, because you gotta go through it to learn. You live and you learn. And those things make me who I am. Ya I didn't make the best choices on some things, but Im still learning and I think I've become a better person because of these trials. But I love where I am in life. And I love my family and friends, who I'm realizing will always be there for me, even through the dumb choices that I have gone through.

As we enter 2010, my so-called "theme" song that I want to live by is Kris Allen's Live Like Were Dying. Its about appreciating what we all have, and not to take it for granted because it can be gone at any moment. I want to be grateful for the love around me and the life that I have.

"We only got 86400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away". So make what you can out of each day.

This is to a more optimistic, grateful and spontaneous me. Cheers <3