Fallin Down

"Sometimes I don't wanna wake up alone

But sometimes I wanna wake up and be on my own

Sometimes I don't wanna walk by your smile

But at the same time I don't wanna let people down"

Chris Brown "Fallin Down"

Last saturday night of the winter break

So this last Saturday of winter break was different than most weekend nights: I decided instead to visit Bob, an 86 year old friend of mine. Bob is a huge supporter of OSU athletics, and he became a friend of my mom's during an earlier season. Now, I just love elderly people. I think they are just precious. And Bob lives by himself in a big house, and I can imagine that he gets a little lonely. I think the last time I visited with him was during the summer, with the exception of him supporting us at our fall ball games, so I knew I was overdue for a visit. I called him up around 7:30 pm and told him I would be over soon if he wasn't busy. He's always a joy to see, he greets me with a hug and strong aftershave that always rubs off onto me. He pulls out 3 dishes of snacks and I get the drinks as we head to the dining room to chat.

Conversations with Bob are always eventful but today was probably my favorite as we got on the widely discussed topic of Tiger Woods and therefore adultery and sleeping around. Basically an everyday conversation with an 86 year old dont ya think? He's a big golf fan so he mentioned that he's a fan of his. So we continued to talk about all the high profile celebrities, athletes, politicians, etc that have been not so loyal. Things like this tend to get blown out of proportion because they are in the spotlight. Cheating happens all the time, more than it needs to in my opinion, but of course its going to happen. But is it really THAT much worse for those high-profile professionals to do so? They are looked as inhumanely, or god-like because they have pros. When reality is its not the biggest sin out there. Don't get me wrong, cheating is not okay in any relationship, but does it really need to be on every magazine possible? We all know that most athletes, especially males (I am, in no way being sexist or generalizing) think that they can walk on water and have sex with all these different people because they are a star. Their news shouldn't be magnified more because they job is in the spotlight. In retrospect however they need to be more aware of their shining and their role as a "role model" to younger kids, but in today's society sincere role models are few and far between anyway.

The point of this ramble is that a "goal" of mine is to visit Bob at least once a month. He really enjoys it and it is good to just sit and talk to him. As we begin traveling, I will try to go every Monday and update him on the weekend's games. He is a true supporter and a good friend to have around.

new year, new beginnings

Besides when I was little and the highlight of the night was banging pots and pans at the strike of midnight, I've never been a big fan of new years eve. But as I look back on 2009, I don't have much to complain about. 2009 treated me pretty well. I can only hope that 2010 will be better. I usually make a list of the resolutions that I never seem to keep past a month, so this year I didn't make any. Instead I am making a promise to myself that I will enjoy my last 6 months of undergrad school. I have been very fortunate and lucky to be where I am, with such great family and friends supporting me.

With my grandpa's death in November, we were all caught off guard. He was diagnosed with cancer about 2 months earlier, and said he had 6-12 months to live. He went downhill fast and passed away sooner than anyone expected. It wasn't necessarily the death that ate me up inside, but the guilt that I was not there more for both him and my grandma. It wasn't like we had a bad relationship, but it just wasn't very strong. After he passed away, I felt like had talked to him and been with him more, things would have been differently. But I mention this only to show that things can be lost in the matter of days. I want to live each day as its my last.

I already know that for a few things this year, it will be my last. To name a few are my last year of undergraduate school (before I continue with PT school) and playing my last ever game of softball. Its weird to think, that after all these years of both school and softball, which for me have gone hand and hand for so long, will both be ending. So I think how do I want to be remembered as a student or a player, because I don't have much time before I move on with my next journey. I've always been more conservative, having to plan my actions accordingly, which can be a good or bad thing. But for now, I want to work on being more sporadic and jump in without analyzing or thinking twice.

Anyways, I wouldn't necessarily change anything that I've done in the past year, because you gotta go through it to learn. You live and you learn. And those things make me who I am. Ya I didn't make the best choices on some things, but Im still learning and I think I've become a better person because of these trials. But I love where I am in life. And I love my family and friends, who I'm realizing will always be there for me, even through the dumb choices that I have gone through.

As we enter 2010, my so-called "theme" song that I want to live by is Kris Allen's Live Like Were Dying. Its about appreciating what we all have, and not to take it for granted because it can be gone at any moment. I want to be grateful for the love around me and the life that I have.

"We only got 86400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or throw it all away". So make what you can out of each day.

This is to a more optimistic, grateful and spontaneous me. Cheers <3